I woke up this morning to a Facebook post from one of my Aunts. Last summer, she lost her son in a tragic gas well explosion. Since then, she has been closing the door on one chapter in her life while another opens with a beacon of light guiding her past the darkness of loss.
One thing I have learned this past year is to be fully present in the tender, wounded emptiness of my own heart; to not run away from the pain but learning to rest in it. Rather than distracting myself from the simple darkness at my core, I sit with it, opening my heart to all that is left, which is love. In our darkest hour if one allows for the pain to flow through, a quiet, formless, peace emerges for when the body and mind have reached their end the spirit comes forth. On the other side of pain is Love. Today I went to the cemetery where my son’s ashes are buried. Why there? Because it is quiet there and people don’t look at you if you are experiencing deep emotion. After a few hours I settled into a deep peaceful meditation. Then I opened my eyes and a big momma deer was walking right in front of me. I believe she is the same deer that ate all the mums I brought there during the summer. I must have been still like one of the head stones because she didn’t know I was there until she felt my gaze upon her. Feeling empty of built up emotion, peaceful and hungry I returned to my friends home and shared Chinese takeout.
With the streak of deaths that seem to have surrounded me in these three months, I can appreciate what she is saying. I guess I have always had part of me that appreciated and, somewhat, understood the whole inner peace thing. For some, this may just come off like “blah, blah, blah, phycho-babble, blah, blah”. And that is fine, too. To those folks I ask, what do you do to get past the pain? Ignore it? Cry? Talk about it? Write about it? Let the depression eat away at you? Pray? Drink it away? Mask it with drugs?
People cope in different ways.
Some may come off as “stupid” to others.
All I ask is that you don’t “Yuck my yum” (or anybody else’s, either!)