This is a hard concept for many people.
In a world of gossip and rumors, it is unfathomable to most that when I talk about a person, I am ready to say it TO the person. So when the moles and weasels go running and say “You know what I heard?” and I get confronted, two things happen:
- The confrontation between myself and that individual can be dealt with at that moment instead of continued sneaking around.
- I know the person I was talking to is not a trustworthy individual.
When people just shoot off at the mouth (and I know this from personal experience) you tend to apologize A LOT! If you keep your gums from flapping like a window shade in the wind, you’ll find that the requests die down for hurt feelings. Even then, you can be sorry that their feelings got hurt, or that they found out in the way you told them. But not for the message itself.
I recently had an episode where I bit my tongue for 90 minutes (to the point of bleeding) since I knew anything out of my mouth would have been a belligerent, unintelligible combination of words. The kind of rant that would have ensured plenty of apologies to that individual AND all of those around me. 15 hours later, after being confronted about “what my problem” was, a five minute confrontation ended with that individual apologizing to me.
So, don’t talk just to keep the air moving in the room, don’t talk ABOUT someone until you’re ready to talk TO that someone and never, EVER speak when your blood pressure is so high that it would shoot across the room if they stuck a needle in you!
Life isn’t always a basket of kittens. Sometimes the harsh message must be delivered. It’s all about your delivery!